I Made It After All

i happened to be out w/my daughter Zee today looking for a decent pair of sneakers that wouldn't fall apart on me. found a pair of sketchers (love 'em) at Ross for $25 (great deal). i happened to catch a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror as i walked past (i'm not used to looking in mirrors, i hate them) and had to walk back to it for a second look.

i look funny in my clothes now. i usually dress sort of frumpy anyway, that's just the way i dress, so it wasn't that. i'm only 5' tall and i haven't grown since i was 12yrs old so it wasn't that. i haven't colored my hair in over 5mos and i knew it was graying pretty good, so it wasn't that. i knew i'd lost about 20lbs over the last 6mos, so no it wasn't that either. i stood there looking and wondering what was wrong, why i looked so odd. sort of worn, tired, older, smaller....what...oh...that's it.... like my mother.

i look like my mother. after all these years, after all the work, the kids, the moving, the jobs, the disability, the divorce, the 2 marriages, and now finally, finally the worst loss of all, losing my husband to death, i am my mother. how funny, how strange, how ironic, how sad, and, really, how wonderful that i made it after all. i really am just that strong after all.