Coffee....a short story

okay, i thought i could get away from coffee so i TRIED for 5 days. the first day i had the WORST headache, right in the eyes straight through the to the back of my head, arrows on fire! just throbbing all day long into the night, but i did NOT have any coffee. the next day it started backing off and by 3pm on the 2nd day it was gone. COOL this was gonna be easy. i went the whole 5 days w/no coffee! just a 8oz cup of tea in the morning, and an 8oz cup of tea at night, both w/honey.


now that's a HUGE cut in caffeine since i usually make a 12c pot at 8am and drink the whole thing by 2pm and make another about 6pm and drink the whole thing by 10pm. that's alotta damn caffeine! i've done it that way for years and years. and i make a special mix, special extra dark roast either Columbian or Jamaican as those are very strong and smooth, plus i get a very good Peruvian espresso. i use 2 scoops dark roast, and 1 scoop espresso. when that's brewed i pour that and add 1/2 scoop of vanilla cappuccino mix, 2 tspns sugar (brown sugar), and creamer.


let me tell you that is a caffeine overload right there. it's strong, heavy, hot and sweet!!!!!!!! that will keep you boasted all day long!!!!!!!


well anyway, i went the full 5 days, but after the headache went away i started having phantom coffee smells wake me up in the morning. i'd be sound asleep and the smell of coffee would come wafting across my face and just lift me up out of sleep like a dark angel grabbing me by the nostrils and tickling me awake! i snapped awake and tossed off the covers, kicking dogs off of me, march out to the kitchen only to find.....


an empty cold pot sitting there looking at me with 7am blinking on it's face.


i'm the only one in the house to drink coffee w/any regularity. my ex used to say that was my signature breath scent. he hated it, but my Joe always loved that i smelled like fresh brewed coffee. he said it was exotic and warm, like me. lol funny guy. anyway, there was never any coffee. but i waited it out. finally yesterday, that stopped happening, i thought i was passed it. i thought GREAT!!!! the addiction is over! i'm FREE, i'm FREE!


so NOT!


i got up this morning, made my tea. sipping it, reading the mornings news, laughing at the goofy stuff, looking at puppies, and an ad pops up for....yeah, you guessed it.....FOLGERS!


now, i don't even like Folgers. it's what i grew up drinking from grade school on cold Rochester mornings with my mother yanking my hair, and yelling at me to do one more thing before i escaped off to school for the day. it's a nasty, dry, stale, bitter coffee, that brings back nasty, dry, stale, bitter memories. i totally don't like it. but there i sat, watching the damn thing and watching the steam wiggle up from the cup and curl around that man's lips making love to his teeth and slipping over his tongue, a river of dark sweetness just flowing over and down his throat in one smooth sip. they had me. i was bought and sold.


i hate ads. JUST HATE THEM. i hate being an addict. but not that much. i got up, cracked open my wallet, all the moths flew out, and I puffed out all the dust, and grabbed a $10 bill, slipped on my shoes and marched out the door, across the highway, and into the Big Lots store. there on the shelf was sitting a one pound sack of Java Time, $5, one of my favorite brands of Jamaican coffee. they didn't have any espresso, but i didn't care, i was gonna have coffee, no matter how it was made. i practically raced back home, almost got hit coming across the highway because i forgot to look both ways. wouldn't that be a bitch, in such a hurry to have my fix that i got run down and killed on the way to have it! lmao


i get home, walk in the door and since i'd been gone all of ten minutes ALL of the dogs charge me at the door and i crash onto the floor immediately covered in dogs!!!!!! NOW i'm cussin'!!!!! these rat bastards just don't want me to have coffee! i'm kickin', i'm hollerin', i'm cussin', my coffee sack is all the way across the dining room, but they just go on lickin, and barkin, like it's some kind of lollipop party! finally i get my feet under me and lurch up and scream ENOUGH!!!!!!! Sylvio, my cockatoo, starts laughing hysterically from the livingroom, finding it all just the height of hilarity. while Quasimodo, the macaw spouts up with, "What up?" "What up Man?". the dogs scatter. finally, i can make it to the coffee pot after i pick up my bag. fortunately it didn't get busted and none of the dogs noticed it, an unusual moment of oblivion on their part.


i get the pot all set up, i open the bag after searching an endless length of time for the utility shears, and the smell of the coffee just about knocks me off my feet. it's like your first breath when you've been underwater too long. HEAVEN! three heaping scoop go into the basket, i snap it all together, press the ON button, push the pot back into it's little corner. then......i wait. and wait. and wait. and wait some more.


it takes 10 DAMN MINUTES for this pot to brew. UGH UGH UGH!!!!


it's the longest 10 minutes of my LIFE!!! it's like LABOR PAINS!!! it's like having your fingers shut in the care door in the half a moment before someone opens the door and fingers are free!!! it's like that moment when you get in the shower and the water is still too hot the second before it cools and touches your skin!!! OMG, IT'S NEVER GONNA END! but finally, the 10 minutes is over, and i pour the dark golden, amber liquid, steaming into my cup, add 2tspns of sugar, and creamer to it, no espresso, no cappuccino, just a regular coffee....






i hold it to my nose and take a deep, hot, damp, sweet, breath....





i hold my breath,




so sweet,




so good,


and i drink.


my addiction is fed.


i am home again .












dwke/82714

Tattoo

I searched for years for the right tattoo, until one day on the internet I found this old painting called Earth Dragon, and I chose the central theme of the painting for my tattoo. There are several connections I have to this particular piece of art, and all of them are very meaningful for me. Getting this done, finally, at the ripe old age of 44 years was the culmination of a lifelong search for my path. This two part piece has obvious representations in the pagan world, The Green Man-new life, growth, change; Earth Dragon - protection, life, courage, strength, guardian and guide; Earth - the All, life, rebirth, fragile beauty.

Having this work done is the symbol of my permanent commitment to my pagan faith in The All. There is always pain involved in getting a tattoo, and the 4.5 hours it took to get this done all in one sitting, from sketching to filling, was exquisitely so, and it's something I wouldn't have missed for anything. I look at the pain as symbolizing the pain that I had suffered in my life up to that point, before I had found my path. The pain of loss, fear, abuse, neglect, not belonging anywhere, of being lost in a world of strangers. There was intense, extreme pain when the artist did the tail of the dragon, there is a small bundle of nerves just under there, and it had me in moaning tears. That was the greatest pain of my life, the loss of my son... but the moment the tattoo was finished began the healing, the finding of the path, the finding of MY path to The All, and there hasn't been a single moment that I've regretted since then.

The tat also represents other, much more mundane things in my life. The Green Man also represents my husband Joe, who literally saved my very life from self-medicating depression with drugs and alcohol when we first met, he loved me and brought great good change to my life. The earth represents my children, and my life. The dragon is myself, I live to serve and to protect; to bring life, to save life; to love, and to teach love. This tattoo means a great many very important things to me. It was supposed to. I think if you're going to change something given us in it's purity, that it should mean a great deal. That's why it took so long to find it.  That’s why it was so painful to receive it.